traditional divorce in Zambia

Discuss relationships, society & cultural issues

traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby xantia » 6th February 2011, 14:30

Dear Zambia,

One question. I am from Europe. Is there any chance for me to get any confirmation, receipt, some paper that my boyfriend is in separation? They have had only traditional ceremony with local court. How things are going to proceed in Zambia?

Tanks in advance for your help.
x
xantia
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby efyo » 6th February 2011, 18:09

Xantia
I take it your boyfriend is married back in Zambia and is now separated. As far as I know separation is not documented....two married people get tired of one another and one leaves. Period. If however your boyfriend wants to marry you, then he has to first get divorced. Then he or his wife will have to file for divorce at a court in Zambia and you can then have evidence that the marriage is in the process of being annuled. The authorities in your country will also request an affidavit of oath commissioned by a court in Zambia certifying that he is divorced, before he can marry you ( assuming of course that you want get married)

Does anyone on the forum know better? Cheers!!
efyo
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby MM » 6th February 2011, 18:35

XANTIA,
I AM WHITE TOO, I ALSO GOT MARRIED TO A ZAMBIAN IN EUROPE. I KNOW HOW SOME BEHAVE WHEN THEY WANT TO CHAFF A WHITE LADY AND ARE MARRIED AT HOME.
I AM SURE HE HAS A NICE WIFE WHOM HE IS SUPPORTING, AND IS WAITING FOR HIM WITH A BUNCH OF CHILDREN TO CAME HOME.
I AM SURE SHE DOES NOT EVEN KNOW SHE IS ON SEPARATION WITH HER HUSBAND UNLESS IF U CALL DISTANCE BETWEEN THEM A SEPARATION.
TALK TO HER IF U WANT TO FIND OUT WHAT THE TRUTH IS, FOR HE WILL TELL U A BUNCH OF LIES.
EVEN IF U HAVE A TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE IN ZAMBIA, THAT ACCORDING TO THE LAW IS A PERFECTLY LEGAL MARRIAGE, AND U NEED TO GO TO COURT TO DIVORCE AND GET A CERTIFICATE FOR THE DIVORCE.
NOW MY ADVISE TO U IS RAN AS FAST AS U CAN AND LEAVE THIS MAN FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS:
1 HE HAS PROVEN TO U HE IS A LIER AND A CHIT.
2 ONES A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER. HE WILL CHEAT ON U TOO. I PROMISE U.
3 U ARE BREAKING SOMEONE'S FAMILY AND HURTING AN INNOCENT WOMAN AND CHILDREN.THAT WILL BRING U BAD LACK TO U, IF UR CONSCIENCE ALON DOES NOT PREVENT U FROM DOING THINGS LIKE THAT.
4 VERY FEW MIXED MARRIAGES SURVIVE IN ZAMBIA.
GET ME HER NUMBER (MAKE SURE IT IS HER NUMBER AND NOT SOME SISTER OF HIS) I WILL CHECK FOR U. BUT I AM SURE U CAN DO THAT TOO, EXCEPT THAT HE CAN GIVE U FAKE NUMBER. IF HE IS ON A REAL SEPARATION HE SHOULD HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.
WISH U ALL THE LACK FOR U WILL NEED IT.
MM
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby efyo » 6th February 2011, 18:46

Xantia
Unfortunately I have to agree with MMs views. This guy is onto you for other reasons than love. Show him the door before you really get hurt.
Hey MM hope you did not have the same fate....can t imagine
efyo
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby Guest » 6th February 2011, 19:15

Guys,
Thak you for advise. I have no chance to talk to his wife. He is in Zambia I am in Europe and I am not going to move to Zambia. That is why it is so hard because I cannnot verify what is a real truth. I am not going to be a reason of his divorce and I am trying to avoid such a cases in my life but this time....what can say I am in love and this is hard for me to decide to dump him and for now I have no proof that he lied to me but I am suspisious. All I want just a paper showing that they were separated before he met me.
All the best for you my advisors.
X.
Guest
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby Xantia » 6th February 2011, 19:40

efyo wrote :
> Xantia
> I take it your boyfriend is married back in Zambia and is now separated. As
> far as I know separation is not documented....two married people get tired
> of one another and one leaves. Period. If however your boyfriend wants to
> marry you, then he has to first get divorced. Then he or his wife will have
> to file for divorce at a court in Zambia and you can then have evidence
> that the marriage is in the process of being annuled. The authorities in
> your country will also request an affidavit of oath commissioned by a court
> in Zambia certifying that he is divorced, before he can marry you (
> assuming of course that you want get married)
>
> Does anyone on the forum know better? Cheers!!


Yes, and what I do not understand is the difference between legal marriage - like registered in church or court and traditional marriage. He said that she is jehowah and he is christian and just to avoid comlication they had only traditional marriage (what does it exactly means???? damn) and they don't have to go to the court to get divorce. Thay are using local councellors for nagotiations during separation and that after 6 months they are finally decide or smtg like that. Hm...I thought it is a simple subject:-))))
Thanks all!
Xantia
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby efyo » 7th February 2011, 00:58

Xantia
traditional marriage or otherwise he is still married and needs to formally divorce. There is nothing like just waiting six months and the marriage is over.Traditional marriage means a village chief or headman pronounced the couple as man and wife, which is simpler done than going to court. But the village chief or headman bare legal jurisdiction and thus the marriage is legal according to zambian (customary) law. Whether you are the reason for him wanting to divorce or not is besides the point. He may take any other woman, for whatever reason, but he remains married. So I would advise that you get evidence of his divorce before you make any decision. Another question to consider is whether he has children with his current wife. Just know that in case of divorce, he bares responsibility for the children and that will make your life somewhat difficult.

Again I ask the forum if someone knows better
efyo
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby Girl » 7th February 2011, 10:37

X,
'Your' dude and his wife may be on separation alright but that still does not make him a free man; he is still A LEGALY MARRIED man and chances of a reconcilliation are always there in such situations. Unless you can handle a broken heart, (I see potential there) take it easy with him. I know a woman who is in love, and you are!

It'd be wise if you waited til he got a divorce and you saw the D certificate rather than hear it just by mouth. If he and his wife have kids, indeed be prepared for he will have to fend for them until they are done with university, and you will be a part of that arrangement, including staying with the kids for they will be visiting (depending on who gets custody of the children). If you love him and have a heart for children, you will manage.

Please wait until the two are divorced if they should, he may be lying to you.
Girl
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby MM » 7th February 2011, 15:19

X,
U SAID HE DID NOT LIE TO U????? IT IS ALL LIES HE IS TELLING U.
U WILL GET A DIVORCE CERTIFICATE FROM LOCAL COURT (WHICH DEALS WITH CUSTOMARY LAW INCLUDING DIVORCE), IF U ARE DIVORCED.
AND HE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT, KEEPING THE WIFE FOR NOW IN CASE IT WILL NOT WORK OUT WITH U.
AND THERE IS NOTHING LIKE 6 MONTH. HE IS CONNING U ALL THE WAY, AND U CANT SEE IT.
MOST OF ZEDIANS ARE MARRIED TRADITIONALLY AND THAT IS A L E G A L MARRIAGE, LAWFUL AS IT CAN BE.
THE GUY IS STILL MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PERIOD.
AND U ARE BREAKING A FAMILY.
MM
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby Nkhani » 7th February 2011, 18:12

Xantia,

Let me ask you a question. It's more like a series of clichés but a legitimate question nonetheless.

This Zambian dude you are after, is he a 'Denzel Washington'? Is he a knock-out handsome Adonis of a specimen? Is he the kind that can cause any woman's knees to turn to jelly? When you are standing in front of this guy, do you just get tongue-tied and a racing heart-beat because your brain cannot process just how unbelievably gorgeous this guy is?

I really don't get it. If you have all these suspicions and all these trust issues with this guy, why do you even bother?
Nkhani
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby Xantia » 7th February 2011, 20:37

efyo wrote :
> Xantia
> traditional marriage or otherwise he is still married and needs to
> formally divorce. There is nothing like just waiting six months and the
> marriage is over.Traditional marriage means a village chief or headman
> pronounced the couple as man and wife, which is simpler done than going to
> court. But the village chief or headman bare legal jurisdiction and thus
> the marriage is legal according to zambian (customary) law. Whether you
> are the reason for him wanting to divorce or not is besides the point. He
> may take any other woman, for whatever reason, but he remains married. So
> I would advise that you get evidence of his divorce before you make any
> decision. Another question to consider is whether he has children with his
> current wife. Just know that in case of divorce, he bares responsibility
> for the children and that will make your life somewhat difficult.
>
> Again I ask the forum if someone knows better

Efyo - that's the good one! Thank you so much for this valuable info! I have no problem with his children, I had my own alspo and we are both accept them, financialy and emotionaly. Yes, my conlusion is: just to wait for D papers.
Xantia
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby xantia » 7th February 2011, 20:42

Gays,
Thak you all for your support. I have decided to wait in quiet and take no any rapid decisions before things between two of them will be finilized. What will be will be. You are very kind people althought some of you are trying to judge me;-)
Whish you all the best ...
Will let you know for 6 mths!
X
xantia
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby Blogger » 7th February 2011, 21:20

iwe ka Xantia

I know your spelling is terrible. worse than MM's, even:) But just for the record, we are not gay. At least most of us aren't.

Thank you and good luck.
Blogger
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby Headman » 8th February 2011, 21:04

ati "GAYS" .........so all you who advised her are gays ka? kekekekekekekeke
Headman
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby MM » 8th February 2011, 21:16

U GAYS,
I AM LUCKY IT WAS NOT ME.HE HE HE (BUT IT COULD HAVE VERY EASILY BEEN ME)
MM
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby Xantia » 8th February 2011, 22:59

I am ashemed;-) sorry G u y s or even if there were gays too:-)
Xantia
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby xantia » 8th February 2011, 23:02

and 'ka' is something opposite to 'ba'? is it bemba tribe?;-)
xantia
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby Sukisa » 9th February 2011, 00:17

Some of you upper class people did not believe me when I said Xantia is just another juvenile delinquent who makes up love-sick stories of dubious origins, just to get laughs. I can bet you when this rascal read all the serious responses to his wet dreams, he was rolling on the floor with laughter.
Sukisa
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby Xantia » 12th February 2011, 13:57

Hm...who is trying to jugde me that way? You don't know nothing about me S
My Friends - I am still fighting. When he was at my place last time in EU he used my phone few times. Now I found some sms. Could anyone translete me that? It is ine bembe tribe language:
nindanda nabo zebbige balifye bwino bonse
and the second one
kuti mwatuma bigge
Xantia
 

Re: traditional divorce in Zambia

Postby Translation » 12th February 2011, 19:29

am broke. please send me cash asap. am still working on the white girl. but she is tight fisted and stingy with money.
Translation
 

Next Page

Return to Relationships, Society & Culture